I'm so happy that so many people enjoyed my last post. I was a little concerned that I had gotten a bit too passionate about all the "haters" out there, but one of our greatest duties is to love and encourage each another. Social Media actually makes it EASY to do that, yet so many people have found a way to use it to hurt others rather than build them up😣. Ughhh. Just makes me sad and incredibly frustrated.
Anyway, I want to get back to what spurred that post and the following....The question, "What in the heck am I doing?"
Ever heard that Satan likes to give you a good kicking when you're down? Well, he does. He likes to try and tell us a whole bunch of lies when we feel weak, but I am not falling for it!
I truly love what I do, Hearts of Style is a part of ME. I can't do as much as I used to do as a full time mom, but to let it go all together would be a heart breaker. I'm not going to lie, there are some days I think I can't keep it up. It's a lot. My husband, who does all of my accounting, casually let me know how much I made in the year 2015 the other night. After he said the number I paused and waited on him to start laughing... ( insert crickets) ...There wasn't any laughing. It was NOT a joke. 🙈
Let me be clear, I do not DO this and LOVE this for money. Not one bit. This is a ministry for me and one of the greatest ways that I can love on and encourage people! Obviously it is nice to feel like I bring SOMETHING to the table financially for my family, but the relationships this business has brought me are truly more valuable to me than gold!!
So there is work, and then there is motherhood. Oooohhhhhhh Motherhood. If it is not the greatest thing in the world paired with the "kick your butt" hardest thing in the world, I really don't know what is! These boys (all three) are my greatest gifts! I look at them every day and am in awe of how greatly God has blessed me!
But let's just be real for a second... Expecting my three year old and my 8 month old to be perfect little angels while I take them shopping, to work in closets,to entertain themselves while I invoice so that I can get paid, etc., is literally as crazy as me expecting to win the next Powerball 😜 Ain't Hap. pen. ing!!
Yes they are SO great a lot of the time and I push them pretty hard, but eventually they have to throw their hands up at me and fall apart.
"For goodness sake lady, just take us to the park already!!!" 👦🏼👶🏼
These are just a few of the thoughts and reasons that prompt that big, ugly, question above. Even though the majority of the time I have a slightly overwhelming feeling inside of me, I can't seem to let go of either passion! I desperately want to be the one to watch every milestone my kids cross instead of reaching out for help and I desperately want to be the one to make my business a success buuuuuuttttt, i want a way to do that with two kids on my hips. Ha!! So...Can I really do both? Really??? I'm going to answer this shortly.
Side note, people ask me all the time why I don't blog more. I have about 5000 blogs posts written out in my head, but they have never found their way to this computer screen because I literally Cannot. Find. The. Time. Someone told me recently that I should watch a Netflix series while my kids napped!! Ummmmmm WHAT?? I'm sorry, but I seriously wanted to laugh in their face. It was all I could do to maintain my composure. Do people actually do this?? If you know me, than you know that I don't have kids that nap. Well actually, let's just be honest (AGAIN), I don't have kids that SLEEP!! 😜 They nap for a few minutes, wake up, we rock, and repeat! And then we try it ALLLLL again at bedtime. Could this be my fault? Probably, but we can dig into that in another blog post entirely. The point is, there is no extra time. 😁
No. Extra. Time, Yet my hearts still races thinking of all the great things I could do with the future of Hearts of Style. My heart still races thinking about "checking out" with my family of four and being done having children. Truth be told I seriously don't think my crazy mothering style can handle having another, but does it bring tears to my eyes to say that I am "done"? Yes it does. Does it bring tears to my eyes to not be able to take on new clients who reach out to me because I cannot give them the time they deserve. Yes it does!
It's a struggle! I want to make the most of EVERYTHING I have been given and worked hard for in my life! I don't want to settle for anything less than my best. I am just trying my hardest to except that this is a SEASON of my life where things are going to be a little "cray cray".😣
John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came so that you may have life and have it abundantly!" A FULL and ABUNDANT LIFE! That is what God has promised and I want to wait in EXPECTANCY instead of hearing the lies that I "can't do" something!
So... As I recap back through all that I have written so far, I know the answer to my question. What in the heck am I doing?
I Am living.
Please hear me say this because I think it is soooo important and we all get so wrapped up in the silliness of these crazy, busy lives and the lies that satan tries to feed us.
I AM LIVING THE LIFE THAT I ONCE ONLY PRAYED FOR.
I am living it, in REAL time!! And that deserves celebration!! I am so thankful! So. Incredibly. Thankful. that I get to do ALLLLL the things I get to do whether they are sometimes hard, exhausting, or overwhelming. Every piece of my life has the potential to make me better and stronger or to take me down all together. And you can bet I am choosing refinement!
I am determined to keep growing this business, to keep volunteering for more than many think I can handle, to love people the way Christ loves me, to craft myself into oblivion for birthday parties and holidays, to Netflix binge with my husband at night when I should be sleeping, and to snuggle with my boys whenever possible! Alllll this, and more because I want to live my life to the FULLEST. Right now that means, there are no rules, no one I have to compare myself too, no lies to believe! I'm going to give everything I love my best, and I think that will be enough to make me proud to look back on someday!
Thanks for letting me shuffle through my thoughts and answer my own questions through venting to you 😉
What in the heck are YOU doing? 😜